#god dammit dont give me ideas

[dreams-of-beloveds]

HORIKOSHI WHEN I CATCH YOU HORIKOSHI

why in the fuck were we left on cliffhanger for the end of season 7. i’m so- i don’t even know how to feel right now, because i wasn’t even expecting us to be left on cliffhanger, and THE NEXT SEASON DOESNT EVEN COME UNTIL AUTUMN R U KIDDING ME how am i supposed to cope?!?? sure i still have the ova’s and the films left to watch bUT STILL MAN I FEEL SO EMPTY RIGHT NOW DAMMIT

god i have so much to say about season 7—not only was watching the todoroki family the most devastating thing ive ever witnessed—their family history is so intricately tangled and i really wonder if touya is still alive (i haven’t read the manga, i hope he is, and i don’t wanna read it online dammit) i want to see them come to a proper closure so bad i need them to be okay with each other even if endeavor isn’t forgiven (which is honestly valid) i want this family-against-touya-to-protect-everyone-else situation to bring them together in some way dammit!

and then we had the togachako moment. oh lord. oh lord i love them, they’re so—yeah sure i see them as a queer ship, but god fucking dammit after hikimo finally came to accepting her smile and her way of showing love being “normal” because of ochaco’s words and coming to the conclusion that all she ever needed was to “give blood like how she wanted to have someone else’s” HIMIKO BETTER NOT BE DEAD DAMMIT DONT TELL ME THAT CONFESSION MIDAIR AND THE SHARING HIMIKO’S BLOOD TO KEEP OCHACO ALIVE WAS ALL FOR NOTHING

oh god and fucking hawks. oh jesus. i wasn’t expecting his quirk to be taken completely. i honestly have no idea what his ending holds, but god dammit i hope he’s alive, i know his worst fear was getting his quirk taken when that’s what made him “the best” in the first place because he was literally groomed to become a hero due to his quirk despite growing up around villains, i can’t imagine how he’d be feeling—but fuck, fuck the burden he must’ve carried for having to kill bubaigawara even though he didn’t want to, he just found a genuine friend when working undercover and yet, he almost had to face the wrath of the sad man’s death legion through himiko oh man i couldn’t stand seeing him just,, fall, after everything

all might, oh, all might. this man is in his 50s and yet still can’t let his work go can he? this damn workaholic. but seeing him with his support items all including his students quirks 🥹💔 this man adores his students so much, if he doesn’t fucking stay alive after defeating afo i’m gonna fucking riot, RIOT I TELL YOU i sure fucking hope this isn’t the ending nighteye had foreseen about all might’s death because i swear to god, hell i fucking know nighteye would’ve been so mad seeing all might go into that war against afo quirkless with only support items he would’ve been MAD AND YK WHAT SO AM I BITCH SO HE BETTER COME OUTTA THIS ALIVE

and hell we don’t even know what the situation with aizawa, present mic and kurogiri is??? WHAT HAPPENS I NEED TO KNOW I NEED THEM ALIVE i don’t fucking know if shirakumo ever comes back, he was dead to begin with, i don’t think he’s gonna but damn can aizawa and hizashi get the closure they deserve? thats all i want for them, for them to be able to work alongside shirakumo’s “soul” one last time and have some form of closure dammit

and well, i left bakugo katsuki at the end of this fucking rant because i need him alive. i remember seeing so many damn parallels of kudo—and how his expression in afo’s hands looked so defeated, as if he was ready to die for yoichi, meanwhile katsuki, fucking bakugo katsuki, he’s not ready to die, yes he fucking moved through that pain to blast one last move in shigaraki’s face knowing there was a possibility of not making it but GOD DAMMIT I DOUBT HE WANTS TO LEAVE IZUKU BEHIND NOT YET and him fucking talking to all might’s vestige. god i genuinely was bawling so much. the voice, the expression, god just looked so, so vulnerably soft which he’s never let himself before, except for when he apologises to izuku to bring him back to UA. but god fuck, how- what- HOW DO I COPE Y’ALL HELP ME SOMEONE TALK TO ME IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

there’s so much fucking more i could yap about right now but it’s 1:15 am, my hands are hurting, my eyes are burning from crying so much after it ended, and my brain is dead. i can’t do this man

P.S. as someone who holds too much emotional intelligence and is studying psych, you can never make me hate any villain because i will always understand their pain too well, even if i don’t justify certain actions

[ominus-potato]

Idea: Whatever the ship name for Bob and SMG1 was, but it a tattoo x Bookshop AU

DAMMIT I HAVE TOO MANY SHIPS, STORIES, AU’S AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE TO BE FOCUSING ON PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT GIVE ME ANOTHER /silly

SMG1 would look so cute in a librarian outfittttt 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ARGH SCREW YOU FOR MAKING AMAZING IDEAS THAT I REALLY WANT TO INDULGE IN BUT CANT BC ITS 1:30 AM! THATS AS A REALLY COOL IDEA AND I LOVE IT A LOT

[minorlyatfault]

OH MY GOD—ANGEL—JESUS—CHRIST—DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I’VE BEEN SCREAMING INTO THE VOID TRYING TO FIND YOU???!!!

I—I forgot your username. I FORGOT. Me, with the memory of an elephant and the emotional stability of a fruit fly. I sat there like some deranged librarian of broken URLs, whispering to the ceiling, “C’mon… it started with an S? A T? No—a vibe?”

IM PREMIUMBITCH SWJDEJ. Tumblr, that cursed carousel of chaos, deleted my account. I logged in one day, just minding my business, and BAM—nothing. A barren wasteland where my entire shifting soul once lived. No explanation. No warning. Just a silent little “your blog has been flagged” like some dystopian slap in the face.

IT’S ME. LEO.YOUR LITTLE SHIFTIE I SWEAR. I swear on every one of my shifting attempts. To prove it: YOU told me you used my “childish things to script” for your schoolwork and your teacher loved it. THAT WAS ME. YOU SAID THAT. I REMEMBER.

I wanted to make a new shifting account—I tried—but it felt like trying to resurrect a ghost with IKEA instructions and half a soul. I couldn’t do it. I poured every drop of me into that first one, and rebuilding it felt like emotional tax fraud. So... I made a fanfic account. For my little fictional weirdos. (what'dya think ahahshshs i posted a few today before i found u) also bc its super motivating when trying to shift ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️💢💢💢💢 thinking of them like ughgghgghghgh

P.S. Im using “Dove” as my new name because it’s so cute but underneath the feathers IT’S STILL ME. LEO. LEO WHO CAN’T SPELL “REMEMBER” WITHOUT PANICKING. DONT BE FOOLED IM STILL LEOOOOOOONORA I JUST HAVE A BAJILLION ONLINE NAMES. HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT??? DNA test? Soul scan? I was supposed to make you that shifting guide, remember? Remember meeee????? REMEMBER MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE— I’M NOT AN IMPOSTER I SWEAR ON MY CRUMBLING SANITY. ALSO WHEN U TAGGED ME IN THAT THING I SENT U A DM SAYING I PROB GOT IT WRONG ?!! WOULD THE FAKE ME KNOW THAT????

i love u so bad take me back. I’m on my knees. Prada dress soaked in tears. Sofia Coppola lighting. Utterly pathetic. I’m sobbing. Mascara running. Elle Woods after Warner dumped her but with more delusion.

LEONORA OMG😭 DID YOU KNOW HOW DEVASTATED I WAS WHEN SOMEONE TOLD ME YOUR ACCOUNT DEACTIVATED????? JAW DROPPING. I THOUGHT YOU'D COME BACK BUT NO. & how dare you forget my username. i thought we had something, dove 😔/j.

MY SHIFTIE I MISSED YOU SO SO SO MUCH EVEN MY FRIENDS ARE TIRED OF ME BECAUSE I KEPT SAYING "she's gone" LITERALLY. one of them is in this app. & FUCK TUMBLR DAMMIT. BRING BACK MY DOVE'S SHIFTING BLOG

LMFAO YOU DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME EVIDENCE 😭😭 ONE OF MY MOOTS(who was also your moot & im pretty sure they're also your moot now) REBLOGGED YOUR FICS A LOT. I READ THE MICHAEL TOWNSEND ONE OMF YOU STARTED READING THE NATURALS☹️☹️ I REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO READ YHE BOOK HOLY COW IM SO HAPPY HELLO

BUUTTT. STUPID TUMBLR REFRESHED MY FEED. MY. FEED. WHILE I WAS READING YOUR MICHAEL TOWNSEND FIC. I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT. IM GONNA FINISH IT AFTER I POST MY S.REID SMAU I SWEAR!!

p.s idk if i can still call you leo in my tags & make "dove" your separate tags. SO I WANNA ANANA ASK PERMISSION💕💞💕💞💞‼️‼️

p.p.s I BELIEVE YOU, DOVE I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO‼️ I AS WELL HAVE A LOT OF ONLINE NAMES. (i'm using my real name here tho) I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER YOU. I REMEMBER YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

no need for those. a kiss might prove it though 😋/j

NO A FAKE WOULD NEEEVVVEEEERRRR KNOW THAAATTT🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

i love & miss you so much, of course i'll take you back, dove💘

now, stand up, your dress is too precious & so are you tears💔💔(I CAN'T TYPE PROPERLY BECAUSE IM IN A VEHICLE)

&&& I'LL BE LOOKING FORWARD FOR MOREOEKE OF YOUR FICS

[qoldenskies]

same anon. I actually meant cc Donnie specifically. forgot to specify, lol. I guess I just assumed you were talking about him with those headcanons even though you have two other au's.

Anyway, I thought that you were leaving the idea open for an interesting narrative. And it would give me room to explore cc!Donnie's healing ark more in the way that I wanted when I first finished hunger games. I could project katniss everdeen's trauma onto him, lol. Like, him having a kid/kids super far in the future despite everything, after he finally feels safe enough to do so, like katniss... don't know. It just makes me whimsical and mischievous thinking about the potential...

yeah i get it! tbf most of these headcanons could be applicable to cc!donnie as well because he was just. regular canon donnie for most of the established rise timeline. he experienced everything before battle nexus new york (and possibly clothes dont make the turtle? mentioned that itd make sense if it never happened otherwise there'd be an accidental plothole, so he is DEFINITELY getting to have that adventure post-trauma god dammit he NEEDS THIS), with some obvious liberties/things that pop up specifically to cement the themes of cc that probably wont be there in future projects (rooftop conversations, the spreadsheet, the specific effect that many unhappy returns had on him, etc etc, although you can steal these things for your own projects if you think they work particularly well. painkiller thing always remains consistent in all of my work though)

i dont find romance absolutely necessary for him in the future (and im nooot sure about the idea of him having kids? mostly because he's spent his whole life quietly taking care of people already,,, he might be best as a very close uncle, or maybe he would just have his family pitch in a lot,,, parenting usually requires this idea that you have to completely give yourself up to take care of another person and to always put them first, and with donnie that's ... yknow, already what he's been doing and should probably stop doing LOL)-- although on a more general note i think him finding outside connections with people that dont have so much baggage with him is important, and romance can easily be boxed into that.

i just think with the standards for romance to be The Most Important Relationship In Your Life it would create some unrest in his family, because that's a big deal and ngl i see donnie as a very romantic person (although i do like him being aro in some universes). i dont think they'd be immediately disapproving or overbearing (to his face, at least) but i think they would worry and probably take a while to warm up to his partner unless they knew them for a substantial amount of time first. i dont think donnie would keep it hidden from them, but he'd still be very private about it, which would worry them.

i cant see them being envious, but they would be very suspicious. there's comedic potential and there's angst potential with the idea so its a nice double-edged sword lmao.

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for Cartoon Network era of shows, who is your favorite character from each of the mid-late 2010s Dimensional era (shame they didn't get the best treatment and exposure on the channel, being the point when Cartoon Network was overplaying Teen Titans Go and pushing most other shows to the side) shows you've seen like: We Bare Bears, The Powerpuff Girls 2016, Mighty Magiswords, Ben 10 2017, OK KO Let's Be Heroes, Apple & Onion, Craig of the Creek, and Summer Camp Island?

We Bare Bears: Ice Bear though I loved them all. And as for thoughts, I really need to go back and watch all of this show as it was really good. Relaly solid. I think I just was in that hole of "If the status quo dosen't change I dont like it" which is still mostly true, it is kinda annoying to have a series long arc of someone wants to get a girlfriend with panda and not.. doing anything with that. But it's very clearly mostly slice of life shenanigans. ALso seems to have ended well

PPG: SIlico as he seems neat.. but I watched maybe one episode of this. I wasn't intrested, everything I heard was bad and looking back it seems half assed.

Mighty Magiswords: Yet another one from this era (and the last) I need to go back to, a true classic. Character wise I love Porhias for his voice and whole vibe. Though Vambre's legs will always have a place in my heart... moving on.

Ben 10 Reboot: Kevin having a bootleg omnitrix. This one I didn't see much of and while I may watch it some day for completions sake... it seems mid. Not as messy as ultimate or omniverse with some growth and really intresting ideas, but not nearly as intresting as the og or alien force seasons 1 and 2. It's firmly in the middle: trying hard to be funnier, inoffensive, but as bad as omniverse could get in it's worst moments... it had ambition. 2016 takes a much needed fresh start and just kinda... does a weaker version of the first show without the charm or real stakes or neat jack kirby-esque art style.

OK KO Let's Be Heroes: It's like asking me to pick my children you monster. But i'd have to go with Professor Venemous. He's a compelling villian, and while I feel we coudl've gotten more post shadowy figure takeover out of him (and may give him just that some day), he's an intresting villian whose bisexual as hell, clever and whose motivatoin and history with characters is great. The cast as a whole is though as this is the best show of the bunch here, though it has close compettition and you can probably guess who. It's fun, has well done character arcs, great action at a time Cartoon Network hated doing acction scnees (it's why SU got the shit end of the stick for a while and why this show ultimately did not last) and ended on one hell of a final episode (The actual climax is mixed but still pretty good given the time constraints). An all time classic and one of the best show's cn's put out and certainly one of my faviorites.

Apple and Onion: Onion, though ti's bittersweet given the whole Grahm Lihean thing. God dammit richard. A great show I wish i'd watched more of, really sweet and chill and like most of these as you pointed out , given the short end of the stick for teen titans not for me.

Craig of the Creek: Another all time faviorite and one I need to watch more of including the full story arc. But what i've seen of the story arc is excellent and the show as a whole is great, the recess successor I didn't know I wanted. It's still largely i'ts own thing but it's hard not ot see "Kids in their own elabroate clicks with terriotirY" and not think recess, but going way bigger than it's more grounded cousin. It's still clear most fantasy stuff is just the kids imaginations, but it dosen't hold back a fantastic show with a stacked roster of characters, a truly great world that just gets better and better, and a lot of nice character growth and moments. I'm not ready for it to end and boo HBO MAx for not wanting one of thier most succesful shows to go on. Favorite is JP. Eaisly. he's the boy.

Summer Camp Island: I"ve barely seen any of it I hear it's great and once again they screwed it over badly.

[galaxae]

if youre still doing the ocverse ask game, 3 and 19? 🥺

ougghhh i so totally still am. i'm mainly fixated on my stupid ass video game idea (working title is gods don't bleed but i want to change it bc it doesn't fit as well anymore)

forgive me if this is incoherent, my boyfriend dislocated his knee so i have to care for him, and work has been terrible and burned me out, so i'm definitely leaving some stuff out of my answers :(, but whatever!!

3.) any recurring images/elements?

absolutely yes. lots of imagery of plants and animals, for one. fire vs. ice too, yes i know it's a very commonly used trope but i like playing around with those two things, especially when i get to kinda subvert expectations with them. similarly with light vs. dark. and also colors vs black and white, both in terms of morality and in terms of actual visuals

19.) describe the sillies you think about but that dont go in the story.

in my mind, charity and fabian (the first two playable characters, and close friends) are exes. it's probably not going to be canonized, but it's also not going to be explicitly denied, so...

their first date was incredibly awkward, by the way. fabian was an ignorant rich kid who loved to pry and stick his nose in others' business and not let up until he knew everything about a situation, while charity was freshly in the "my mom and i were homeless, got taken in by a man, and then that man turned out to be very very bad so we had to flee the state and come to this small piece of shit town where no one realizes how privileged they are, and this all sucks, and i don't want to talk about it" mindset. they were also both 14-15 which is the worst age to be. they broke up so fast after this but now they've got a really solid friendship going a few years later, and charity has a different (cooler) partner

also, so many silly bits of dialogue that... i'm not sure they'll go into the game at all, or if they do, whether they'll just be optional bits. but some favorites include (formatted sorta like they would be in my script document):

KIMBERLY: Oh, hey, Fabián, you're in French 2 with me next semester. JAMAL: Wh... what? People actually take French? I thought that was a myth. FABIÁN: Well, I already know Spanish since everyone on my mom's side and, like, half of my dad's side speaks it. So I thought taking Spanish would be way too easy. CHARITY: You stupid son of a bitch. That's exactly why you should take Spanish.

ACE: Holy shit, I just got stung by a bee! FABIÁN: Are you ok??? Ace pulls the stinger out of their face ACE: LOOK! It's still pumping venom! That's so cool! CHARITY: What the fuck is wrong with you? ACE: What's wrong with you? Lookit!

JAMAL: Hey. Kimbie. KIMBERLY: Don't call me that, please. What is it? JAMAL: Spell ICUP. KIMBERLY: "ICUP?" JAMAL: Spell it. KIMBERLY: That's not a real word. Fake words don't have spellings. JAMAL: Can you at least try? KIMBERLY: Oh. Wait. I see. I-K-U-P. JAMAL: ... KIMBERLY: Does that suffice? Jamal looks as though he's about to cry. [Later that same day] JAMAL: Hey, uh, hey Kimbi-- Kimberly. Is it just me, or is your outfit kind of, uh, "updog?" KIMBERLY: What? JAMAL: Your outfit's kind of "updog." KIMBERLY: What does "updog" mean? JAMAL: ........Can you........... rephrase that, please? KIMBERLY: ? No. JAMAL: :/

also, there's a period of time when kimberly is in 9th grade where she gets really intensely into astrology. specifically so that she can Know A Lot About A Thing that other people don't know as much about. she'll see someone doing something, walk up to them and be like "what are you, an aries venus?" and when they don't understand the reference she'll be like "never mind :)" and feel smart. she no longer does this in the game because she realizes that's so cringe. and she has OTHER science to do, dammit!! (like proving the Weird Kid at school is a literal alien)

another fun fact: kimberly (resident genius) and jamal (who does not give a shit about academics) play chess together one time and jamal wins because kimberly is so perplexed by his newbie moves that she doesn't know how to respond to them.

oh... i didnt realize i had this many sillies... cool :)

yall are encouraged to send more asks if you want i love these blorbos

[cutekittenlady]

Tumblr Plays Pokemon White 2 - Part 7

Oh. ohhhh god. Oh it stinks.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Screw you Hugh. Its a sewer. We'll be lucky if we dont see a dead Patrat getting eaten by a Rattata or a wild Krookidile jumping out at us after getting flushed.

Thats a thing right? Krookidile in the sewers?

Look man I only have a few potions and pokeballs. Are you sure we're ready for this?

Well if you think you have enough healing potions and stuff to heal both our pokemon then I guess its okay. But I'm warning you, if I see even one rage candy bar floating in that water...

Huh... so its true what they say about death, taxes, and Zubat.

Look Hugh I know we're hunting for Plasma but just let me catch a couple of these guys for the dex. I really dont wanna have to come down here again for the entries.

Thanks to fighting through the horde of zubat. Molly learned flame wheel. That'll come in handy.

I manage to catch a Zubat I dont intend to use, but catching a rattata proved shockingly difficult cause everytime one popped out Hughs pignite slaughtered it. Guess Bentley wasn't the only starter with a dark bone in his body. Eventually did manage to catch one though. Ugh Juniper had better appreciate all this work I'm doing.

There are supposed to be grimer down there to but... no. Just... just no.

As we're going along Hugh does apologize for getting me mixed up in this whole mess, so I opt to forgive him for being so gungho about this. He is trying after all...

Huh...well that was both shockingly quick and excrutiatingly long.

Okay Hugh they haven't noticed us yet. If we stay far enough back and listen in maybe we can find out where the rest-

Dammit Hugh!

Yeah your just good Semaritins cleaning up the sewer. In front of a really suspicious hole. In matching uniforms.

Come on man.

Over my dead body.

Bentley show them the meaning of words "Your ass is grass."

Hugh and I face of against the Plasma grunts. Its my Bentley and Hughs Pignite versus their sandile and scraggy. I opt to have Bentley use Leaf Tornado on the Sandile. PIgnite hits Sandile with a flame charge before i can though, taking it out.

Dang Hugh you've been leveling these guys up! Bentley used Leafe tornado on the Scraggy instead. It doesnt do nearly as much damage, but it lands. I opt to back Hugh up by having Bentley use wrap on the Scraggy. Trapping it and letting Pignite land a solid blow.

Maybe it was seeing how much Pignites grown, maybe it was just that this last battle was the last push he needed, or maybe the stinky sewer air activated something in his genetics, but once the battle was over...

Bentley evolved into Servine!

Heck yeah we are!

After that the plasma grunts take off. These guys sure like running away. Hugh wants to go farther in, but just as i was about to dissuade him (theres only two of us, we have no idea how many more there might be, we only have a limited number of healing items) someone else beats me to it.

And just like who should pop out but Gym leader Burgh!

Evidently Burgh had already gone through the furtherest parts of the sewer looking for team plasma but found no one. After making a stellar pun, Hugh brings up about how Burgh and the other gym leaders fought against Team Plasma two years ago.

Hugh then gives me the HM for Strength and takes off.

I think Burgh made him feel a little... inadequete. Just when burgh and I were about to follow some other weirdo pops out of the hole in the wall.

He says some gibberish about how interesting out battle with plasma was and then just... walks off.

I haven't the foggiest idea Burgh.

After that Burgh takes off. I could follow after him and beat his gym but... well after seeing how strong Pignite i think it might be best if I tried training in the sewers awhile.

But right now I need air. THeres a stair well across the way. Maybe it leads up to the street.

Wow its... A little park?

Maybe I'll jusst chill here a bit and sip some lemonade before going back down into the stinky sewer.

((Going ahead and posting this. Eevee won the catching poll for this area and finding one is going to take... awhile.))

[themrswallace]

My stomach hurts from all the smiling and giggling. Oh my Christ this is so fucking brilliant, I just can’t.

Long ago I never would’ve given in to this classic ridiculousness of Wallace and Gromit but now I have I’m so happy, it’s given me my sparkle back and I want to thank anon so much because I typically don’t like brain swap stuff but there’s something about Wallace that’s switched my perspective because he’s so stupid and adorable and goofy and to see his body being anything other is alien as fuck, but then watching him in the body of a chubby 20 something, all baby faced with freckles and big eyes with big glasses, naturally glazed look, it’s how you imagine Wallace should look, in a weird way, it’s still him and you know it’s still him in there, he’s not at all trying to be anything else! He’s just scared and confused and angry, wanting to get back to his inventing and his body, using his normal accent, awwwww it’s comedy gold!

I need to work on more scenes for that idea, knowing Wallace is physically stronger now but also weaker but he still tries to solve the problem is everything to me.

Also getting freaked out by his own anatomy had me howling when I first thought about it. It’s his body, it’s his friend, what does he expect???

“Good grief! Have you got no shame?!!”

“Obviously not…Christ, this things been giving me jip all morning. How do you keep things…under wraps?”

“Oh you know, think of me gran, keep distracted, DONT FIND EVERYTHING AROUND ME RUDDY ALLURIN’”

“It’s not exactly a choice, Wallace! Not over here thinking what next I can put this thing into”

“You better not! That’s my body, MY BODY, and you do not have me permission to use it in such a manner”

“And there goes my whole day, you know I was just thinking that tub of yogurt in the fridge looks awful enticing”

“Deal with it appropriately”

“Know me, baby. Levi does nothing appropriately”

“Well start”

“…yes sir—-god dammit”

“STOP IT!”

“YOU MADE IT WORSE!!”

I love this so much

[wintersbreathfalls]

proper fandom introduction post is due, so here goes.

hello, i am Melinoe Cipher, aka mel. obviously, that is not my real name. i wish it was, but it isn't. a bit of trivia behind my name choice: Melinoe is one of the Chthonic Greek deities. she's represented as 'a bringer of nightmares and madness'. according to my research, she had skin split in two colors, half her face 'clad in dark', and the other 'having the color of quince'. she was born at the mouth of the river Cocytus, the river of wailing which flowed into Acheron (no, not the HSR mommy) through Hades.

i swear, i'm not emo. i was just a very tormented 13-year-old and i have made several bad decisions ever since.

(greek mythology is AWESOME and i LOVE THE CHTHONIC MYTHOS (erinyes my loves, if only i could be you))

fandoms, yes.

i have been in several since the years, but i will list my current hyperfixations:

Gravity Falls, and by extension, it's AUs. my username is literally Melinoe CIPHER for fucks' sake. i love the triangle. Reverse Falls is my favorite gf au and i 100% ship mason and belle and i will die on that hill and no body can stop me.

Hannibal. Mads Mikkelsen you beautiful, beautiful man. i will give my life for you. the cannibalism, smart brain manipulation, hot daddy, blood, hot daddy, vivid imagery, PLOT OH GOD THE P L O T AHHHHHH, gay, hot daddy, and the music. everything. i love everything. i will put hannibal into a teeny tiny bowl and eat him with a spoon. i love it.

Alien Stage. okay, this one is fairly recent. BUT HOLY SHIT I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT. mizisua my babies, ivantill my 184659th reason, and husbando ivan. HE'S ALIVE Y'ALL MY MAN IVAN'S ALIVE HE'S FINE AND DANDY AND JOLLY AN--- *i am dragged back to the mental hospital*

Genshin Impact. lmao why the fuck is this not first. i love genshin. genshin was the air i breathed uptil Natlan release. i want it to become great again after Snezhnaya but whatever. i will get Mavuika even if i hate her because ARCHON and I WILL GET CHILDE TO COMPLETE MY HARBINGER TEAM. sidenote: almost every ship i ship in genshin is incest or gay. expect the following from me: Kamisatocest/ayakayato, Ei/Makoto (i have a 8k fic just MARINATING IN MY DRAFTS SEND HELP), Travelercest/aelumi, lyncest (not freminet pls not my bb), scarashogun and scaraei. i would ship albedo/klee but klee is CHILD and smol bb i will protect with my body and soul (even tho she will probably do a better job than me) and i feel really guilty... in the gays, we got haikaveh, kaeluc (technically not siblings but i dont care lmao), zhongchi. kaebedo. uhhhhh who else. BEIGUANNG. shit, i can't believe i forgot. eimiko, desert wifeys aka dehya/candace. mona/lisa because it sounds memey. that's pretty much it because i ship a lot of people but i don't necessarily write for them.

Honkai Star Rail. yes, the mihoyo has taken over. i would add zenless too but i dont know the lore very well even if i do ship Jane/Seth like my life depends on them. and Wise/Belle because they're just badass like that sometimes. i keep getting distracted, ahh back to HSR. i like lore. lore is very very very interesting even if i don't understand like 70% of it at any given time. HSR has been consistently peak (i am one of the few who loved the Luofu plotline (i alternated between staring at Jing Yuan and Kafka))

Harry Potter. i was a nerd growing up (pottermore says i'm a Slytherin BUT I'M A RAVENCLAW DAMMIT) and to this date, all knowledge i have of OotP comes exclusively from fanfic. i have not read the book. i never will. HP is a beautiful idea, only if rowling had any semblance of braincells because ew. i ship Tom/Harry and i will ship them till i die because enemies to lovers is the best trope to ever exist, hands down. fight me. i dare you.

Miraculous Ladybug. we're getting cringer here but like. you have to understand. i grew up on this shit. miraculous was my drug. it had fundamentally changed my brain chemistry and cat noir was my first proper crush. i will forever like Marichat, even if the authors (I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE ASTRUC) fucked it up majorly but that's why fanfic exists right.

i'm gonna go out on a limb here and classify 'ANIME' as a whole. i am into a lot of random shit and i probably will never write for any of those animes.

yeah, that should be it. i also write poetry, write songs, sing, dance, draw sometimes, and try to exist. existing is the worst.

im gonna try to keep posting somewhat regularly on tumblr? i gotta be committed to something lmao

[yuri-is-online]

newer newer update: I skipped limbo's Lil sidequest. I am in the middle of lostbelt 6 and i am GOING THROUGH IT in every sense of the word. abridged version:

stage 1: BITCH I KNOW YOUR CLASS IS PRETENDER. OBERON VORTIGERN I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (doesnt really)(the spoilers I saw were just vague enough)

stage 2: dammit he's being so damn helpful I actually feel bad for suspecting and side eyeing him at every corner even tho I literally know I'm right

stage 3: *talks about Titania* Oh no. Wait hold up I didn't know he was Romantic and Doomed like this, I didn't know he was one of Us. Tsk. now I'm rooting for him. on God we gonna get you some fanfic brother.

stage 4: *Welsh forest gets burned* ...You. Know. What? Maybe I'll let him. (extra: *support Oberon is listed as an Archer* Me: *been waiting for this* That's Not What You Areee~ *support Oberon gets listed as a Rider* hey uh is anyone in game gonna notice that??)

stage 5: wdym I go to a ball but don't even go in with Oberon?? wtf is even the point then???

stage 6: "when this is over I want you to decide my punishment" dude I dont even know if I'm gonna bring myself to give you a slap on the wrist. I actively hold myself back from giving you full permission to murder whoever you want. Wait I know what I'll do. I'll put you in a party with Merlin. Every. Time.

I dont fucking know what experiencing lostbelt 6 when it was just out was like but this is basically knowing you are going to be betrayed by someone, and knowing that turns it into knowing you are being betrayed as you speak, BUT still wanting to trust that person all the way up to the second they turn on you, not in a naive "maybe I can change their mind" but in a doomed "I know you will and I let you" kinda way. Not to even add how Chaldea is technically betraying Castoria too. This is real sufferer hours I am experiencing. I need to be put in a hydraulic press

side notes: I would die for Blanca. I would kill for Habbycat. Castoria just like me fr. I really missed Mash. Having Morgan in my party every single fight is ironic. I just got Cu alter to bond 10. Morgan is almost there too. Certified Evil men and women enjoyer. "Coral's more my type" is the single most obvious lie I heard and he isn't lacking. MERLIN HAS A LAST NAME!? Ed NP2 yay. Morgan NP2 yay

Oberon is so iconic for his yearning because he lets it make him worse, we stan a consistently problematic King. RiP to Limbo, he and Dantes are the only boys who respect me and actually answer my call, how could you ignore him he's been so nice c: and not at all annoying c: truly he's the picture of a perfect servant c:

Hime-bee has some very good smut for him and oberon on her ao3 but you didn't hear that from me

Anyway I'm glad you are having fun fgo anon. The next chapters are so brutal I have no idea how to approach them other than to scream, I wish you better luck than me!

[geee-three]

oh god... hinomori sibs.... thinking about an au where mafuyu moves in with them like pretty early on and her mental health improves so n@25 end up all becoming better friends :]

ideas for things i will def draw i promise /lie

shizuku: shii we're running errands, bye!!!!! shiho: k bye mafuyu: shii, huh? shizuku: it's my nickname for shiho! oh, do you want a nickname? should i call you mafu, or..? mafuyu: i like yuki shizuku: ok!!!!!!

(they call her yuki from there on out)

shizuku: aww my phone broke again D: shii: your turn. yuki: dammit. ok what did you do

(shiho is no longer alone in tech support)

shii: (just got back from a late-night show) yuki why are you awake yuki: im making noodles shii: at 1 am yuki: yes shii: can i have some yuki: yeah shii: cool. shizuku doesn't need to know (they eat noodles) shii: are you gonna go call your girlfriends now yuki: they're not my girlfriends i think shii: you think. (time passes) yuki: (calling n@25) yeah and shii had some of the noodles k: can i have some yuki: where do you live k: here is my address enanan: what the hell dont give us your address k: what are you gonna kill me or something enanan: i might if you dont send me the fucking files yuki: ok i'll bring you some noodles k: what do you live close yuki: literally five minutes away k: it was a joke the door will be locked (amia has joined the call) yuki: aw ok yuki: btw shii says you're my girlfriends is that true enanan: yes k: yes amia: yes yuki: oh ok. hi amia

[pesterloglog]

Vriska Serket, Meenah Peixes

Act 6, page 7841-7843

VRISKA: Ok! That little point of 8usiness is done.

VRISKA: Thanks for 8earing with me. Executing this whole strategy has turned out to 8e a really am8itious project!

MEENAH: nice watch dealie

MEENAH: how much that worth

VRISKA: How much?

VRISKA: I have no idea. I guess it depends on a lot of things, like the units of currency, the presumption of an actual market for it, its scarcity... honestly I just alchemized the thing quite easily, and some8ody else pro8a8ly could too.

MEENAH: god dammit that answer was too complicated

MEENAH: got a fuckin professor of economics over here

VRISKA: Are you saying you want to 8uy my spider watch??

MEENAH: na serk

MEENAH: spider swag aint my kettle of fish

VRISKA: I didn't think so!

VRISKA: Anyway, like I was saying, that takes care of that.

VRISKA: At this point I think we could use a de8riefing. Would you care to do the honors?

MEENAH: wat

VRISKA: Regarding the mission you were previously involved with, which I can only presume gradually fizzled out.

VRISKA: Securing this weapon, searching for a lost cheru8, and raising an army to defeat Lord English?

MEENAH: ooh right

MEENAH: man

MEENAH: T)(AT old thing

MEENAH: yeah i can debrief

MEENAH: i aint much a storyteller tho

MEENAH: much to the lament of my former bestie

VRISKA: That's fine!

VRISKA: I don't need you to dazzle me here.

VRISKA: I just want the fucking scoop.

MEENAH: thats why youre the top serk 38)

MEENAH: ...

MEENAH: .........

MEENAH: hey

VRISKA: What?

MEENAH: can i ask a kinda personal question

MEENAH: i mean not even that personal but whatev

VRISKA: Sure...?

MEENAH: how old are you

VRISKA: Uh,

VRISKA: Almost seven and a half sweeps.

VRISKA: Getting close to eight!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: I pro8a8ly sound like a fucking nerd, 8ut I've 8een excited a8out reaching that milestone pretty much my whole life.

MEENAH: 7.5 huh

MEENAH: i guess thats a lil more respectable

VRISKA: More respecta8le than what?

MEENAH: nofin

MEENAH: change of subject

MEENAH: that old ass mission...

MEENAH: so yeah we all piled in a damn pirate ship and sailed around the ring in this huge circle

MEENAH: english followed us and wrecked shit as he went

MEENAH: that helped us chart a path to the treasure somehow

MEENAH: like using black maps and junk

MEENAH: with like

MEENAH: cartographic calculations and scopes and fuckin sextants and whatnot

MEENAH: im not even sure how but that weird ass idea actually worked

MEENAH: we found the treasure

MEENAH: well YOU did

MEENAH: but you were also kinda goin nuts and driving everyone away from the crew

MEENAH: i stuck around though cause i didnt give a flying glub

MEENAH: aranea bailed though

MEENAH: she caught wind of that magic ring and i guess it got to her

MEENAH: the delusions of grandeur about being alive again and doing relevant shit

MEENAH: so she ollied out and stole it and made the most embarrassing mess of things i ever heard of anyone doin ever

MEENAH: she totally failed in whatever she was trying to do

MEENAH: got the ring ganked from her then died again

MEENAH: i never saw or heard from her ever since and tbh i dont really want to

MEENAH: that left just me and you

MEENAH: well OT)(-ER you

MEENAH: tryin to figure out what to do with this deadly box a treasure

MEENAH: basically we couldnt decide on anything

MEENAH: and were feelin pretty flat on the plan overall

MEENAH: so we just gave up and wandered off to do other shit for a while

MEENAH: and you... i mean she...

MEENAH: mellowed WAY the fuck out

MEENAH: which was actually sorta cool for a bit but also sorta...

MEENAH: k never mind that

MEENAH: we just kept bubble hopping for i dont even know how long

MEENAH: which got uh

MEENAH: reely boring after a while 38\

MEENAH: i never had the thump tortoise to tell her though

MEENAH: uh i mean until now

MEENAH: in fact i pretty much just forgot about the whole plan until you showed up

MEENAH: you made it sound pretty cool again so i was like

MEENAH: yeah im on board

MEENAH: and thats bassically the whole story

MEENAH: oh

MEENAH: yeah...

MEENAH: and that "lost cherub" part of the plan

MEENAH: afaik that was a bogus red distraction fish and she probably dont matter at all

MEENAH: guess thats everything

VRISKA: Good recap!

VRISKA: At least you 8oth had the presence of mind to hang on to the weapon.

VRISKA: Now it's up to us to use it.

VRISKA: What a8out this army though?

VRISKA: It still sounds like an important part of the plan to me.

VRISKA: Having just the two of us walk str8 up to Lord English, cold go88lefiend... that sounds like a recipe for disaster, weapon or no weapon.

VRISKA: An army of ghosts throwing everything they've got at him sounds like a gr8 strategy.

VRISKA: Like, a sort of 8uffer, giving us a little space to get ready to deploy the weapon when he seems vulnera8le.

MEENAH: yeah that makes sense

VRISKA: Do you think we pick that up where we left off?

MEENAH: man

MEENAH: dunno

MEENAH: that was one of the things that made us wonder if it was even worth bothering anymore

MEENAH: it was mostly this whole mind control stunt

MEENAH: apparently aranea was towing most of the load there???

MEENAH: then she peaced the hell out and got owned

VRISKA: I see.

VRISKA: Then yeah, this is going to 8e a little trickier than I thought.

VRISKA: Why don't we 8rainstorm on it for a while?

MEENAH: aight

[highpriestess-stuff]

omg i am just so close to losing it like first of all i so badly wanna just vent to ricky but like just something about burdening or l=unloading on someone doesnt sit right with me like last night i spent literally all night fuckin crying and crying because of what? because of fuckin life people wlak around just unleashing taking their anger out on others and im pver it like bitch i could do the fuckin same can i not give me a fucking chance piss me off and watch me go the fuck off on oyu like people i work with literally disgust they think their the only ones that have shit going on in their lives like god dammit just cause i can contain and control my self? bettter then u i dont walk around making other people feel like shit but fuckin come at me and i will swear to god i will show you wtf is up with me every single day its like endless its so fucking hard to just do this fuckin shit on ur own like these have no idea wtf i go through and they they can just treat me however they want? imagine if i did the fuckin same like i dont get any fuckin days off like do u even get how hard that is for me i havent worked this fuckin hard in my life im literally about to fuckin cry again and for what just to fuckin survive just because im an expensive person just because i wanna buy some nice this i wanna use money to fuckin elevate but i dont know it keeps fuckin disappearing i cant even eat the shit i want like i cant even fuck afford to go out ive never been so fuckin broke in my entire life who know i loved money this much who knew it was so fuckin important or my well being to be financially free and i dont wanna be that fuckin bitch to depend on others like how many times am i going to go crying to my family oh i dont have money i cant do this this is so fuckin hard like why start now? i dont want I WANNA BE AN INDEPENDANT WOMAN im fuckin crying again like that so i stive to be those are the bitches i look up to HOW THE FUCK DOES KIM K DO IT how do this single moms do it holy shit i have sooooooooooooooooo much fuckin respect for them if i didnt before well damn i do now yall are super heroes and to think to imagine that i couldve done the same i was fuckin insane bro this shit is so hard i thought i was so stong and tough fuck no these women are stong they are definition of stength because this is not fun anymore doing shit on ur own is not fun its fuckin overwhelming is fucking tiring its fucking foggy ur just living everyday like on repeat just fucking struggling to make ends meet and i swear it was not this hard before i even stopped my dogs dog walking cause i was running out of money and now im like pretty there and thats the biggest issue in my life like when i stress i fuckin streessssss and i hate it so much who knew money was so fuckin important to me like being abundant is literally the true source to my happiness & think theres people out there that have money and arent even happy ? is fuckin crazy to me because i got it all and no money and i am not fuckin happy and ive been in place where ive had nothing but got money in the bank for anything & i was still fuckin happy bro like each to their own but for me personally i need the money bro straight up thats something new i just learned about myself so freeing to learn who i am i need money!!!!! i want money!!!! i must have money I FUCKING LOVEEEE MONEY PERIOD

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Kissing them in the middle of an argument with Chuuya and Kunikida with female reader please

Kissing them in the middle of an argument!

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs Pairings:Kunikida,Chuuya X Fem!reader Genre:Angst to Fluff Format:Scenario Warnings:None Word Count:663 A/n:Its my first time writing for Kunikida,i hope its ok :D

My 100 follower event!

"the hell did you do to my wine?" Chuuya hissed,sending daggers toward you with his gaze,which made you shiver a bit,but failed to remove your composure.he was always calm around you,letting his chill side come out and just relax with his girl,but now that you hid his favorite wine? he was pissed.

you know that Chuuya is gonna cheat on you with wine one day.

"babe,youre drowning yourself in wine.you already know that its like poison for you!" you took a few steps toward him,trying to reach his cheeks,but he rejects you before you could even sense his skin on your fingertips.

"where the hell is my wine? you threw it away didnt you? you have no right to do that! you have no idea what im going through right now!"

"baby-"

"dont baby me! im tired of your sh-"

before he could go forward,he felt your lips being smashed into his,trying to calm him down.he was mad indeed,he was angry;

but how could he ever reject the sweet comfortness of your touch?

he slowly closed his eyes,leaning into you touch as he kissed you back,letting his rage disappear.he was supposed to be rough,he was supposed to push you away,but the addictive taste of your lips didnt let him do any of it.

when your hands were placed on his cheek ,he didnt try to shake them off this time.instead,he wrapped his arms around your waist,pulling you closer to himself.

you weren't going to tell him where the wine was ,

but he was ok with it as long as he could have you instead of it.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

you bit your bottom lip,nervously looking at your boyfriend who was staring at the files he was supposed to take to work tomorrow,which was covered in the coffie you brought to him.

"what have you done?" Kunikida said indignantly,almost in a yelling voice. his sharp tone broke your heart a bit,but he had a right to be mad.

"i-im sorry...i just wanted to take care of you a bit..." you mumbled, trying to avoid his gaze,but you could still sense the anger composited with his eyes.

"by ruinning the files ive been working on for the past three hours?" he pointed at the files with his finger,reminding you of what youve done for the thousandth time.

"honey im sorry..." "well sorry doesnt fix anything does it? god dammit! its like im dating Dazai!"

well that was a bit harsh.

"are you seriously comparing me to Dazai?" you took a step forward, with the last sip of bravery you had left in your body.its true that you messed up,but maybe hes overreacting too.you need to shut him up or else this little accident is gonna turn into a huge fight.

"you know what i me-"

and before he knew,you cupped his cheeks,dragged him down and crashed your lips into his.

he hated it.hated it when you tried to find your way out of argument with kisses,cuddles and affection.and he hated it because no matter how many times you try to do it,

he always fell for it.

he doesnt like how you have control over him,how he cant resist your charm,your touch,your lips.

he let out a small breath through his nose and kissed you back while sucking his anger inside and tried to focus on you,and the pleasure you were giving him.

god he hated how vulnerable he was around you,how you were the only person who could bring out sides of him that no-one else has;

but did he?

it was fine.they were Dazais reports anyway,

only this time he has to do his work himself.

reblogs are way too much appreciated! <3

[a-very-tired-raven]

Aw dammit, you guys are makin me wanna post this now(10:05) instead of 11:00, but im strong lmao (WARNING, long post ahead)

Anyways, i wanted to start this post off, by giving a thanks to all the truly wonderful people ive met on this platform from this year, last year, when i first joined, and the years to come. Youve all made my experience here wonderful, and to be honest youve made me feel so very very welcomed, and especially loved.

I came to this (wonderful)hellsite during a really lonely time in my life. A few years ago, around the later days of june, 2019, looking for more undertale content. What i didn't expect to find at all, were all the wonderful people im so so so very glad to now call my friends.

All of you, and i mean all, of you invited and welcomed me into your blogs with open arms, kindness, and silly jokes. Even going to the lengths introducing me to your other friends and making me apart of your friend groups. And...i genuinely cannot express how thankful i am for that.

Im so serious, i feel so loved and cared for every single day now, i always have someone to vent or talk with, someone to joke and ramble with, so many people that ive intertwined into this little online family of mine.

Weve all been through..a lot these past three years. What, with covid, loss, hate, and so much more. What im grateful for, is that i havent lost any of you, which not only am i suprised about, but also so grateful. You guys make me feel like the best verison of myself, and make me feel..well..me. we've all stuck together and looked out for each other, helped each other out with our problems, and shared art and stories.

Ive had the pleasure of meeting some very fine, brilliant, and respectable people thus far, and have had the honor of talking with some astonishing young friends. Ive even had the pleasure of gaining followers, and have received fanart of my own characters!! Which, i would have never guess would have happened. Ever. And yet it did, and that means so much to me.

So i suppose what im trying to do, or well..say here, is that all of you have turned my life for the better, and id like to thank you for that.

Thank you, @let-love-run-red @ratsoh-writes @und3rwat3r-a5tr0naut @vrnicky @a-gods-somewhat-mortal-form @icelingbolt @shimmer-lamp and @glaucus22 for being my very first friends in here, for welcoming me so warmly, and sharing your art and introducing me to so many cool people. I wouldn't have had as good as an experienced as ive had with you to have shown me kindness in the way the way you did

Thank you @glitchysquidd for giving me the honor of seeing your artwork, and goofing off with me from time to time.

Thank you @mochamashi @kuvvydraws and @underfell-crystal for being so nice to me, and taking time out of your days to chat and listen to my stupid little jokes

Thank you @luminawithherdaemonlinh @wisteria-and-crocuses and again @mochamashi for all the fanart youve sent me iver the months, and all the kind and craziness youve shown me. Thanks for going on crazy little rants with me wisteria, and a big thank to you lumnia for supporting me and my art for so long

Thank you @shimmer-lamp for being there with me since day one, for letting me vent and trusting me enough to confide in me at times.

Thank you @rainbowut @the1920sisntaphasemom and @scienceisfood for giving me so many ideas and laughter, i really do appreciate you guys and i feel as if i dont say it enough. You guys so are hilarious- seriously, i appreciate it

Thank you so so much @hearty-dose-of-ranch @kioko-noodles @fruitsnackart @skele-fucker @sendryl and @und3rwat3r-a5tr0naut taking me in your friendgroup so fast, and so warmly. Before you guys took me in, all of you inspired me and my art so much...i could hardly believe i was actually talking to you guys and was considered a friend??! My hands were shakey, my breath was wobbly, and yet you guys never thought twice about including me. You all have been there for me since ive met you, you all have (patiently)listened to my stuttering and ramblings without a second thought, youve all introduced me to so many cool things and have made me feel so so loved..i cant possibly thank you enough. Youve done so much for me

Thank you @ratsoh-writes for enduring my chaos and bad jokes. Youve made my dumbass feel incredibly welcomed, not to mention being such a big fuckin inspiration??? Youre one of the reasons i started to get confident in my art man. Ive used your art as references so much- and youve been such a good friend to me as well?? Be angry about me gettin muchy all you want, i love you ya stinky sewer varmit.

Thank you @springbon-t-art for showing me kindess even more since i joined the hellscape that is tumblr. Youve showed me nothing less then gentle smiles and kind words, and i thank you for that. Your art has inspired me for years, and most likely years to come from now. So thank you for inspiring me enough to pick up a pencil and start scribbling down on the floorboards

And a big big thank you to @let-love-run-red love...i dont even know where to begin. You've helped me through so much, you've inspired and taught me so much fuckin stuff...you've been one of the best damn friends i could ever have. You've supported me and my cringe drawings since the day i entered your inbox as that shy little anon on that late August day.

Hell, you're the damn reason i started writing. I still remember the tips you given me, all the advice and confidence. And i sincerely thank you for that. You have shown me nothing other then kindness and hardcore support. And i cannot express how much that means to me

And theres so many more people i have yet to thank but unfortunately cannot due to tag limits and my memory. Id have to make another post and make sure i havent forgotten anyone lmao, but thank you all!! To my close moots and followers, to the big inspirations ive yet to summon up the courage to talk to

I seriously, would have not made it this far without you dorks, and i sincerely, and genuinely, hope ive made an impact at least a fragment of the size you guys have made on me. Thank you all for giving me a place to call home on this little site.

Right now the time is 10:41 as i wrap this up, so im gonna go ahead and post this(probably willl be 11 or 12 by the time you twerps get to this point lmao)

So HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

And happy many years to come!!! I cant wait to see what this years brings us, what bonds strengthen and friends we'll meet. Thank you for the wild ride and for all the adventures to come!!

[aroaceconfessions]

I've always had a complicated relationship with being aromantic, I discovered I was aro at the end of a 3 year long relationship. I felt guilty because I thought in some way I tricked that person into loving someone who couldn't love them back for 3 years.

I felt guilty because I KNEW they deserved to be loved, they deserved to be in a relationship where they felt every single emotion reciprocated, they deserved to be loved and to know they are loved. I was just the only thing in the way of that.

This guilt has surrounded my relationship with aromanticism ever since, at times I hate it, I hate I live in a world where I can't relate to anyone, I dont see myself in my parents, in my friends, strangers on the street, even in my own community. I wanted to deny this part of me, or at least find a work around, I would get into relationships. I would fully set my boundaries, communicate, and explain me being aro and every single time my partners have been incredibly excepting. But no matter what this creeping guilt would appear, telling me that I am tricking another person into loving me when I can't reciprocate. Because god fucking dammit, I know with every inch of my body that every person I've dated deserves to be loved in the exact way I couldn't give them. For this I hate being aromantic, but other times, I love it, I accept this part of me that will never change and Im okay with that. My aromantic identity is not a flaw. And I wish I didn't see it like one. I don't see it as a flaw when other people tell me they are aromantic, I wish I could show myself that same kindness. And I think one day I can.

I honestly don't know exactly why I am submitting this here, I think maybe to just shout all these emotions into a void, or to try and find some sort of companionship, or this could be an attempt at trying to let someone know they aren't alone. Internalized arophobia is a bitch, and I want to unlearn these ideas but it's hard. It sometimes feels like the world is constantly reinforcing how these thoughts are true even when I know they obviously are not. I hope in some weird weird way me venting all these emotions helps someone in some way, even if that person is just myself.

Submitted February 17, 2023